Why You Can’t Hide Your Talents

The Parable of the Talents is my favorite of the parables in the Bible. I loved hearing that story in church. If you don’t know it, the parable tells the story of a wealthy man who leaves talents (sums of money) to his three servants according to each one’s ability. Two of the servants go out with their talents and double the amount. The third servant, out of fear, hides his talent to keep it safe for his master. When the master returns, he rewards his first two servants for increasing his wealth, but he punishes and banishes the third servant for not doing anything with his talent: “For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance.” As a kid, I didn’t know they used the word “talent” to mean money. It was wise to have chosen that word instead, since the lesson isn’t really about money. 

Fear is something I’ve dealt with for as long as I can remember. I was scared of everything—the dark, sleeping alone, rides at theme parks, looking people in the eye, public speaking. Everything. It’s the reason my first tattoo at twenty-three was a phrase from the Bible: Do not fear. Afterwards, my dad told me that variations of that phrase are found 365 times in the Bible, one for every day of the year. My earliest memory of being afraid was when I was in preschool in New York. We were sitting in a circle with the teacher singing, “Who Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar?” I remember thinking, “Please don’t say Maria,” because it meant everyone would look at me, and I’d have to get up to take the jar from her. I was so shy and quiet that I didn’t want the attention. There was another time when, as a preschooler, my dad took me to a modeling class. I was supposed to stroll down the runway to Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You.” I was too shy and refused to walk. 

There’s a profound message in the intro to Dr. Dre’s song, “All in a Day’s Work,” one of my favorites off his album, Compton. It starts with Jimmy Iovine giving a speech: “Fear's a powerful thing, I mean, it's got a lot of firepower. If you can figure out a way to wrestle that fear to push you from behind rather than to stand in front of you, that’s very powerful…” I had many fears and insecurities about sharing my writing aspirations. I’d be so embarrassed to talk about it. If I didn’t have to declare a major in college, no one would’ve known that was the career I wanted. I engaged in a lot of negative self-talk. Even though I recognized at the age of eleven that I wanted to write books, I would constantly tell myself that I wasn’t smart enough or creative enough to do it.  I’d think, Who was I to think I could write a book? I was afraid people would feel the same way about me. I didn’t want anyone to think I was full of myself or that I considered myself some big shot. 

I was always writing privately, stories that never went anywhere, but that excited me nonetheless. After college, I received so many rejection letters for my first manuscript that I thought it meant I wasn’t good enough, so I quit writing. I shut off that part of me that thought I could be an author, which only made me depressed. I wasn’t open-minded about other writing avenues either. I only wanted to write novels because that’s the literature I enjoy. I wasn’t a reader of blogs and honestly knew nothing about them. I think once in college, I was online and came across a blog, but I didn’t think much of it. I remember in our apartment, my husband, then boyfriend, told me I should write a blog, but it took me some time to warm up to the idea. I’m glad I decided to go for it (even if it was years after blogs were popular) instead of wasting time focusing on only one way of writing. I think it took me about a year to come up with the name. I’d text my husband ideas, and he’d give me his opinion. Finally, I texted, “What about The Miseducation of Maria Maria?” I’ve always loved Lauryn Hill, and I borrowed the repetition of my name from the Carlos Santana song. Albert’s response was: How about just My Miseducation? And now this month, I celebrate seven years of MyMiseducation. 

After self-publishing two works of fiction, I suddenly thought to search for local bookstores to ask if they would sell my books. I don’t care about how much I sell; I just want to give my stories a chance to be read. I was surprised to find there was a bookstore in my local mall, which is only ten minutes away from me. I grew up with only two malls in my city. One got demolished about five years ago, and our remaining one has closed some of its stores. Even the food court took a hit; only two or three restaurants are open. That's why I was shocked that there was a bookstore there. And not only that—they hosted local authors. How perfect? I filled out the online request form and called on Monday to follow up. I spoke to the owner, who walked me through the process: I would come into the store with copies of my books to leave for review, I would talk to her about my books, then pick a date to have a table and host book signings. I wasn’t expecting that last requirement. I was only trying to get my books inside a store. Although I’m still shy and introverted, I’m proud that I’ve overcome a lot of my timidness. Ten years ago, I would’ve shied away from this opportunity and stunted my growth. Now? I’m just going with the flow and doing what I have to do for my little books. At the end of October, I’ll be at the bookstore for two hours with my table. 

While scrolling through Instagram, I saw a post from People magazine promoting a big writing contest hosted by a fiction writing school. The only requirement was for unagented writers to submit the first 1,500 words of an unpublished piece of fiction. I’ve been working on my next novel and had written the opening pages. I fine-tuned it and entered just a few weeks before it closed. Later this month I will find out if I’m a finalist. I also submitted a personal narrative to Autism Parenting Magazine earlier this year. It was accepted and is supposed to appear in their November digital issue for their Success Stories section. All these small things make me proud that I’m putting myself out there. Reaching out to the bookstore is what got me to create paperback versions of my ebooks through Amazon. That got me the most response, too; I guess people need to see it to know it’s real. I saw a quote on Instagram from the poet Rumi that I loved: “As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.” I feel that’s what I’m doing right now. I’m happy that I stuck to what I wanted to do since I was eleven. It’s brave and hard to stay driven towards something that isn’t real yet and that you don’t see around you. I had drifted away from my dream after facing my first rejection, but like a calling, it kept coming back to me.

I once saw a Jeff Bezos quote that life isn’t about work-life balance; it’s a circle. It should be that way at least, for work to feed life, and life to feed work. I’m currently seeking another job change so I can leave the draining field of social work behind me. I want more energy for my writing and to step fully into that identity. I’ve learned not to fear living my life outwardly through writing. I never had confidence but I heard someone say once that confidence is the willingness to try. I think that definition is much easier to achieve. Using your God given talents leads to abundance and alignment, richer than anything you could ever have. So, don’t hide.

What talent have you been hiding? Leave a comment!

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